It has been amazing to bond and get to know our son these past few months. As I write this, about 6 months has passed which makes it a grand total of 9 months since we knew he was meant to be ours. I have no doubt why God gave mamas 9 months to carry a baby before bringing them into the world.
Among many reasons 9 months allows for mental preparation regarding a new one coming into our lives.
And so at the 6 month mark of being “home,” I wanted to share that as I was getting Henry dressed one morning last week he looked into my eyes in a pensive way.
After a few seconds he said,
MAMA, I LOVE YOU!”
Oh my word!! My heart did just the same as it has with each and every child that initiates “I love you” to me. There is NOTHING like it.
He has bonded. He knows he is treasured. He knows he belongs. Just as we have taken a risk to love him, he too is also taking a risk and becoming vulnerable in his love for us. Here.
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
C.S. Lewis (The Four Loves)
Some days are so easy I can hardly believe that he hasn’t always been with us. Some days have more of a strain as I see him not trusting us. We of course don’t blame him. I can’t imagine what our adopted children have had to compensate for- the loss from birth.
God is kind to use adoption to bring me into a place where I am forced to be more vulnerable. It doesn’t always feel good but like I often process with our children…
Just because something is hard doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t do it. Hard deepens our walk with Jesus even though it feels contrary to what we think we should do. Easy is safe. But following a nudge that the Holy Spirit gives us leads us to a more deepening life.